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The Slump (Day 6)

Food-wise, I’ve generally been okay. I went to BBQ’s yesterday, quite possibly the largest haven for fatty food in the world, and managed to only consume a 400 calorie entree (steak w salad, no fried onion, no bread). A miracle, I tell you.

It’s everything else that isn’t seeming to work. I didn’t expect to feel so crappy after the last few days. In fact, I ate under calorie yesterday and today, I’ve been up since 6:45am and I still haven’t eaten anything yet. I just… I’m just not motivated right now and feeling kinda listless and down. It’s not the holidays affecting me; I usually spend them alone. Things are just a mess with me and my guy at the moment, so that isn’t really helping matters. My cyclical troubles are just that: troubling. Just when you thought you were over something or you’d learned your lesson from the past, it rears its old ugly unwelcome head. Sigh.

For that matter, it’s weird to feel hungry in your head and the body isn’t in the mood to consume anything. At least that’s what it seems to say. I haven’t touched even water to these lips today.

So I’m in a bit of a slump. Work is looming over me like the veritable pack of vultures hanging overhead waiting for first blood. I’ve slept so much this weekend that I know it isn’t healthy. And yet, I feel alone in this effort. My thought is, why am I doing this? I care about my health, yes, but I also want to look good. Who cares about that really? In a world so superficial, when all that matters is the outside face, what difference does little old me hold in that regard? My old doubts and fears are right on my chest for all to see & I’m sad to see they are even here. I thought I got rid of this stuff… stupid baggage.