Redoubling My Efforts
So the long awaited JLPT results came… and it was a no-go. I didn’t pass, mostly because of vocabulary & grammar. I did marginally okay with listening — by far my best category. Reading was so-so as well, but still better than vocabulary and grammar. As I took the test, I knew for certain those categories would be problematic for me. Sigh…
I have so many emotions running through me at the moment about this: sadness, disappointment… but the truth is, I did it to myself. I accept responsibility for this. Deciding to take this test without any real prep time or work was my own lack of preparedness. I really shouldn’t be surprised by these results given that. If I took the test now, I probably would do a lot better because I have been reading and studying more regularly. Perhaps I overestimated my own skill set. This is a real downer, but a serious wake-up call for me.
So right now, I’m going to wallow in my disappointment and have my pity party for a short while. Then tomorrow, I’m going to redouble my efforts and still plan on taking the N2 in December. Screw it, I started studying at N2 level and I’m going to take it and pass it, damn it. It’s not that I don’t know Japanese; I know it is here inside me and I breathe this every single day in some way. I love Japanese so much. Maybe I’m just not doing enough or engrossing myself enough. Maybe I’m not having the kind of meaningful conversations or interactions in Japanese I should be having.
I will not let myself be engrossed in behaviors of insanity (doing things again and again with the same result “insanity”, that is).
It’s time for cram school. Let’s go.