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Reflection Time � Who�s Getting Old?

As shocking as it is, I’m going to be 31 in 2 weeks exactly. I know! Time flew right? Every birthday (or in this case, impending birthday) I take a moment to reflect on the year and the things that have affected my life to date.

2009 has been quite a tumultuous year. Let’s see: work was rough from the start of the year, school was equally challenging… But I have to say the year was defined by the implosion of my relationship with my now-ex. Implosion is the best word because it was really an anticlimactic breakup.

You know the saying “God doesn’t give you any more than you can’t handle”? Well, that envelope was really pushed. I learned this year that sadly, I am still capable of hate. I thought I couldn’t hate anyone, but that theory was disproved. That will pass with time I’m sure, but it is disconcerting to feel it so deeply.

The silver lining really is that I reconnected with some old friends, made some new ones and reaffirmed my independence. God bless my mother for instilling that in me, that I need no man to define my existence and that I am valuable all by myself. It is that strength — and a good deal of anger — that has brought me to Chapter 9 of my life.

Several people asked me about the whole Chapter 9 thing. What makes this #9? Well, the prior 8 chapters were areas of my life that were somewhat denoted by my relationships with men and others stemmed from major events in my life. This time around though, I suspect that this chapter will be more about me and my discovery/development in my adult life. I could say I’m happy, but I’d be lying. I am in a better place than I have been in months, and yes, I would still like to have a fulfilling relationship with a man. Will that happen right now? Likely not; still too raw for me. Eventually though. I hope that when it does that I am still capable of loving with such abandon that I have given to the select few previously.

I’ve escaped the odds: I’m a single, intelligent, career-focused black female with no kids. What percentage of that segment of the population does that constitute? It’s pretty staggering. So in that regard, I’m pleased.

All in all, I am glad year 30 is coming to a close, and I have high hopes for year 31. What will that bring? I’m curious, but hey… no rush.