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Declarations

Whoa boy, it’s been a rough week! I’m currently plagued by the worst neck and shoulder pain I’ve had in a long time, the kind where your neck simply does not move and sleep is an impossibility. I’m seeing what I can do about this infernal pain.

Anyway, back in February, I called it when I said that 2005 is the Year of Integrity. Did that word pop up all OVER the place or what? At least for me it did. I’d say, out of 100%, I was in integrity about 60% of the time. The first half of the year I was doing great and then as it got further along, it wasn’t working out as well. Hmm. My whole “not calling people back on the phone” thing showed up again, and that wasn’t too cool. I think that my deal with that is just being in relationship with people… like in my mind, it’s too much effort when it really isn’t. And it’s a mechanism to keep myself detached from others. At least I know this about myself. Before, I didn’t have a clue.

Well, I’ve got a whole lot of cleaning up to do with people about that sort of thing. So I’m calling 2006 the Year of Conservation. Yes, conservation. I’ve had a rather indulgent year and it’s all kinda coming back to bite me in the ass. Whoops! So I’m paring down a lot of my expenses to the bare minimum, finding new and creative ways to make cash. I’m already working for Shawn dealing — I’m dedicated to getting my poker skills up so that I can go out on more gigs. It’s okay money and it’s fun. I’d like to find a 2nd job, actually. All this hard work that I do at my day job just isn’t enough money… AND I get no overtime for all the extra hours I work getting shit done. So, I’ve gotta find other means. While I have a lifestyle I’d like to maintain, I don’t want to at the expense of some bare necessities. Like, I really wanted to get a new wool coat, but I couldn’t really pan out the expense of it. Necessity, yes. I really want a DLP HDTV too, but that’s very much a luxury.

What I should do is really look at my day job and assess whether it’s worth it or not to stay here monetarily. I make a decent sum of cash, don’t get me wrong, but I have a lot of overhead. The apartment and associated bills (cable, electric), my regular debt (credit cards) and so on… I haven’t had a raise since the first year I started here (this coming April will be 3 years I’m working here!) and bonuses are paltry. Granted, it’s been a rough set of years here. Tumult at every turn, it’s been a frickin soap opera. This year is going to be better than all the years I’ve worked here, so I’m looking forward to the results and trickle down. Still, it’s progressively difficult.

That’s why I’m on a Conservation Campaign. Some of the things I wanted to do this year simply are not happening until I’m in a better place financially:

— my trip to Iceland (which I am VERY upset about, but will live with it)
— my trip to England (not happy about this either cause I wanted to see my uncle)
— my trip to Japan (let’s not EVEN discuss this one)
— the A/V update: tv, stereo receiver, dvd player, etc
— investing (this is so important and at my age it’s what I should be doing — establishing what would be my retirement)

I refuse to work and work and work, and not see the end result in my wallet somehow. So I’m going to do my best to make 2006 a great year and one that I can look back on and say, “Wow, I really worked my ass off and I’ve got a lot to show for it”. Because truthfully, I can’t really say I have that from 2005 (financially, of course — I have some things to show for in other arenas of my life).

2006… It’ll be an interesting ride, if nothing else.