There Goes The Illusion…
It appears, folks, that I know SQUAT about men.
Now that I’ve accepted this realization, I can start from a blank slate of knowing nothing. Which is great! Hooray!
Here’s what happened: my mind was boggled the last two days. I hadn’t realized I was asking a “human nature” set of questions until it all got out into the open. What is it that keeps men in relationship with women? What has them make a decision to move onto another woman? Why is it that men stay with nags and bitchy women (women I’m sure weren’t like that initially)? Conversely, why is it that when men have everything they could possibly want in a woman — you name the qualifiers, there are plenty — they start looking for something else? AND… the big question: why can’t people be content with the good thing they already have?
These are the questions running through this analytical mind. And of course, there are no clear cut answers. They are all subjective perspectives, given the fact that each person is vastly different and their desires are vastly different too. It gave me a sour feeling in my stomach about it that I still feel; that men and women of the world say one thing about what they want and do something completely different. In that, there is no integrity to oneself! How could a man say he wants a woman that’s this that and the other thing, and then when the woman turns out to be nothing like that, he stays with her anyway? In all this, I’m not taking into account love as a factor it seems, since love makes people do dumb shit on all accounts. People are more willing to settle, to compromise, to give in — all in order to either keep peace or keep that person at their side. Presumably, there is that threshold point where, for whatever reason, the trigger buttons have been pushed way too often and too much to make it worthwhile to stick around. Whatever that may be, each person is different. It’s so unusual and I’m continually learning that being in relationship is trickier and trickier, just when I want to make it utterly simple. Do men REALLY appreciate the desire for simplicity in a relationship? I don’t know. It’s that say one thing, do another deal for some, I think.
For me, that’s what I want. I don’t want the complexities that can be a burden in a decent relationship. I don’t fancy the idea of being a nag or a bitch or burden on any man; that’s just not how I am and I refuse to be such a person. I’m out to make it be a good experience, a fun one, one that really brings out the best in each of us. Granted, conflict does happen; it’s inevitable. But you handle it, not make a big thing of it. I’m definitely speaking like someone that has been in these sorts of situations and has learned from it. There’s what I want to have happen. Nonetheless, I’m missing something here and that ‘something’ has to do with the mechanics behind why men are the way they are and how women interact with that. I think. Some women are better than others at “playing the game” and getting guys to do whatever they want, just because they know what buttons to push and how to be. They could be the biggest bitches on the planet and somehow, their guy will lap it all up. THAT is the kind of thing I don’t understand.
Other perspectives are always welcome… it’s a nice little “debate” of sorts…
This is the ONLY post I’m leaving open for comment.