Talk about scatterbrained lately. For the first time all week, I’m OUT of my bed before 8am. Will wonders never cease? I took some time in the last week to write down everything I want to do — and I mean EVERYTHING. Like EVER. Of course, there are some things that I don’t even know about yet because I haven’t experienced it, but when I do know, it’ll be added to that list too. The list is long — 3 pages long. It’s a little daunting, but that’s ok. It puts the focus on actually finding a way to make it happen.
So I’m focusing up. I’m confident and believe in myself that I CAN do these things, I really do. Minute fears appear from time to time where I question myself and my ability. That conversation that lives inside me (and never goes away) about not being “enough” butts its nasty little head in. And that enough has a qualifier…
Not being ___________ (insert miscellaneous adjective/adverb) enough.
But I’m determined to make something of myself, to not drown and disappear into anonymity in the world. I’m not here to just sit back, go to work, go home and die. What kind of life is that? There are more meaningful experiences to be had. If I get to share those with someone special too, so be it; if not, that’s fine too. As Herman told me when we talked about his latest A/V adventures and him “outdoing me”, he said “it ain’t about you”. And to an extent that statement is true regarding this. Only you can make yourself happy, nothing and nobody else can. In the same token, you do things that not only benefit yourself but others, if you’re out to create change en masse.
So FOCUS UP, Mika! You’ve got work to do.