A Moment of Nostalgia
Simply amazing. I found my diary from when I went to visit England in 1997 and got a chance to read through it. Here is how I experienced myself: low self-esteem, judgmental, full of drama (drama QUEEN even), self-righteous, weak-willed, a complainer and… selfish. Yes, the big S word. To read my words, it was almost like looking at a totally different person. Granted, I was 17 at the time, but nonetheless its simply amazing the kind of person I was. At the base level of things, I was still a loving, generous and fun person, but I had a lot of emotional baggage and was still really raw after my breakup with Paul (my first boyfriend). I thought I was at the cause of all my relationships failing, that I was a “BAD OMEN” — yes I said that. I think I told men that up through college. *shakes head*
What a horrible sense of self-worth I had! Who was I kidding? There was no way I would have a fulfilling relationship being THAT way! But I did learn a lot along the way and had a plethora of irreplacable experiences. I don’t regret anything and for that I am grateful. I’m glad I am where I am in my life right now. Things have worked out for a reason the way they have and I now have the opportunity to create everything I really want in life. This nostalgia… the memory of England and all that comes with it, didn’t fill me with dread or sadness. I felt excited and even laughed at myself in all my foolishness. The drama alone was enough to get a good laugh at! ^_^ I have learned my lessons and have chosen a different path. It’s good to now know what my worth is and stay powerful with it 24/7.
I am such a different person now. I love it.