The Advanced course thus far has been very trying and difficult. I wanted to quit last night because of how horrible I felt, but I decided to go back today. I’m going because I don’t want to give up on what I commited to do. It is uncomfortable and scary and downright frightening to me, but I’m going back anyway. What is there to lose, really? Am I willing to risk falling back into how I was before I took the Basic and drifting back into cynicism and disgust of the world… and ultimately myself? And I KNOW I’m not giving up on my commitment to Percell. I made a very passionate and real statement to him and I won’t give up because I don’t feel okay about the course. I won’t get anything from this and the money and time I invested to make a difference and open up something for myself.
I’m going to take a shower and get ready. Let’s see how I feel tonight when this day is all over.